fake it till you make it

I NEED AN ADAM LAMBERT ICON ASAP

for those of you who don't know who this man is, I say to you, look that shit up THIS INSTANT.

I meant to write more, but Gabby just got home and I need to play.

What I LITERALLY did today:

- got out of class around 2:30 pm, felt shitty, couldnt stop thinking about shitty things

- Cried on the red line to park

- went to Copley, ate some rice and pineapple at Au Bon Pain

- cried in the Copley bathroom a little

- went to the Copley Public Library

- watching My Life on the D List with Kathy Griffin for a solid hour

- felt much better.

Thank god for small favours (ie Kathy Griffin)

Right now I feel really broken inside. I don't know what to do.

I keep crying but its not fixing anything. I keep turning out the light but it wont stay off.

I have:

- Cut off all my hair

- Split up with Lucy

- Cried like a crazy person

- Seen the movies "Chocolate" and "Adventureland"

- Went to Rhode Island for the night and saw a Presidents of the United States of America show with Aly

- Drove stick shift (OHHHGOD)

- Bought bras from Costco (ohh single life)

- Ate some pretty amazing curry

- Tried xanax for the first time (that was the night of the break up)

- It was awesome

- Lost a maudlin journal by accidentally leaving it at the Coolidge

- Watched so much Creek with Gabby

and some other stuff. I have to go to bed now, but trust me, its been an intense week.

Parrolette.

I love craigslist, really, really I do.

hey so, I feel way better. Isn't being a female disgustingly fun?!

right now Im in the library trying to do homework. I'm slooowly getting it done, but there's more procrastination going on than there should be. Still, I'm being about 60% more productive than I would be at home.



So. You know. Call me beep me if you wanna reach me.

I feel very very unwell. I think its hormone related, it seems to happen every month for about a week I feel extremely nervous all day, every day. Usuaully I intensely focus it on something, and its all I can think about.

IT IS HORRIBLE. I feel sick in the head. It makes it hard to live my life.

Sigh.

Its probably a bad idea to write a post in this condition considering I'm fine the other three weeks of the month. But I'm sitting in starbucks waiting for class to start and its like one long drawn out panic attack. why is my period always such an emotional affair?

In other news, I don't wanna go to class. And I LOVE the show "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia". Its so, so amazingly funny.

I really need to write something that's not stupid busy work soon. Something creative.

Ok, its time for me to go.

I have been working so much, its nuts. I have to work everyday until the day before christmas. Its been a lot of work.

I don't know if I forgot to mention that I got into Umass, but I did! On the sixth I have to go in for some kind of placement exam. Surely I will fail the math portion pathetically and they will either take pity on me in Brookline High School fashion and place me in the "Math for the rest of us" spedtacularization of a regular math class, or they'll just, you know, boot me out on my derriere. At this point I feel like I haven't really been going to school for half a year so I have very little grasp on reality, so this placement exam isn't worrying me as much as it probably should be.

I got a whole passel of As on my finals, even the shitty paper I wrote on King Lear got an A, which is ridiculous, Boloukos was definitely just tired of grading papers and knows I am capable of better but just lazy so he passed me on through. Not that Im complaining.

And now its snowing. It snowed on Friday too, and I got out of work like three hours early. Now its snowing again and I have to go in in like, 3 minutes. Im going to be late. AGAIN.

wow she's really coming down out there. Wish I hadn't left my phone at work last night so I could call ahead before venturing out. Oh well. NO FEAR.

First off:


This picture is on facebook, it was taken in 2006 right before a pirate party. I just want the world to take a good, sobering look at what my truly impressive claws are capable of. LOOK AT THAT SHIT!! CARE FOR A TWO LITER BOTTLE OF SOMETHING? HERE Y'AR, LITTLE LADEE

anyway.

Part of me wants Umass to reject me so that I can take the next semester off and the other part knows that thats dumb and is still hopeful that I wont hate school so much if I change majors. The other cynical part hates the hopeful part for keeping said hope alive and the hopeful part is dumb and frolics through windswept mountains in which the hills are alive, or possibly have eyes, or whatever and fantasizes about ridiculous, ridiculous things like me and Lucy growing up to run a quaint bed and breakfast in the country surrounded by nature. RIGHT NOW my cynescism is chuckling in its throat and calling me gay. Look I just like bed, I like breakfast; im just trying to make my hobbies into a living okay?!

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat. Time to put a penny in the old mans hat. If you haven't GOT a penny, then a haypenny will do...if you haven't got a haypenny, well god bless you!

Thank you, Muppets christmas carol. Where would I be without you? I need to rewatch that, post hastily.

I have a sore throat and so much homework due on wednesday. and somehow, it became 2 am, so I better skeedaddle. Peace to the homies, no love for the scrubs.

What I should be doing:

- reading the ridiculous amount of King Lear I have to read
- Writing the paper on king lear I have to write
- Doing the dishes
- writing the art history paper I have to write
- Working on my Ralph Steadman presentation

What Im probably going to do:

- Watch Hairspray
- Eat chocolate

I am totally obsessed with the character Lillith right now. Do you guys know about this dame? She's supposedly not in the bible, but I guess she was either Adams first wife OR his twin sister that God WANTED to be his wife, and since they were both created by the creator I guess it wouldn't be twincest. But anyway, Lillith was kicked out of paradise because she wouldn't submit to Adam, sexually or in any other way, and then after that things get foggy, supposedly she held congress with the beast (like 4 serious) and bore a race of evil demon children and then became the first witch.

Uh, I LOVE IT

1. I LOVE that there had to be two drafts of the first woman because the first one got all sassy and peaced
2. I love that after she ditched Adam she got it on with Satan, who was just Samuel then. She had a thing for bad boys, I think we've all been there.
3. Supposedly lillith was really in tune with nature, hence becoming the whole first witch thing. So obviously, after she got expelled from paradise, that snake was bummed and started handin' out the produce. I would have totally done the same!

anyway. I got no beef with Eve, Adam or triple G, but this lillith girl sounds hot. I'm just saying.

Also. Obsessed with the song it says I'm listening to as well. Kristin Chenowith, I totally knew you were into Jesus, btdubbs, and your album just confirmed that.

also. I kind of want to see Wicked. This love of musicals unnerves me.

There was a great comment war over on lj_secret this week about what is better, Macs or PCs. I love that argument!! It makes me feel 12 again. I liked PCs better because they're always what I had to fix, so even thoough I learned on Macs at school I could troubleshoot a pc better because my brain understands them better because they break more. Get it? haha thats what I warned my mom bout when she got a mac, I said you can get a mac but if anything goes wrong I cant fix it for you. And she has had some problems with it, I will say that.

I like PCs better because they feel dirtier, like you can beat em up a bit and they'll still hold up. Macs feel so fragile which I guess is ironic because they don't get viruses. But honestly, I use the internet pretty protection free (I like to live on the edge) and its been years since Ive dealt with virus stuff. So. Suck on that, why dontcha

gotta work in a few hours. I was gonna go to school today to get my "I hereby withdraw from college" form signed by all the people that need to sign it, but then I remember I have tomorrow off, so I'm totes going tomorrow instead.

I am listening to so much Noah and the Whale. S'good.

I miss you, chicken.

anyway. Ima goin.

1: I'm watching Felicity. There are so many really great pictures of Kerri Russell on imdb. Makes me wanna watch Waitress.

2: I'm 7 1/2 pages into a 10 page Henry V paper and I've COMPLETELY run out of the things to say. NO CLUE how I'm going to bullshit my way to the finish and its already desperately overdue. Life is so hard!

3: I love Noah and the Whale and Bill Withers.

4: Starbucks brought back the gingerbread latte. I just drank a huge one and I want another. Everything is so hard!!!

5: I'm so glad I didn't watch this show when it as on the air, it would have given me a very inaccurate view of what my freshman college experience would be like. So far, Kerri Russell has not drunken herself into a ridiculous stupor, smoked to excess OR driven herself mad by working till close then coming home and doing drawing homework due at 8 am the next morning (probably while drinking.)

6: I like the music on this show.

7: I miss the 90's. Sweaters were never this popular.

8: shit I have to work at 630. Stupid paper!

peace.